"Ok, I recognize what you are doing. Now what?"

"Ok, we now recognize that kneeling for the national anthem is for social injustice and not intending to insult the military, but now what? come up with a solution right now and stop complaining because we still think your insulting the military, so come up with a solution right now because your making us angry complaining about social injustice"
                 -Everyone who is smart enough to kind of get it, but expects everyone to live exactly how they do.


Yesterday I wrote out a post outlining an experience I had with police officers where I feel I could draw a different outcome if my skin had been a different color. Would that outcome be different every time? Is every police officer a racist, mean, hateful, bigot? No. I believe that statistically there is a higher risk for violence if a black man had been in my shoes even without thinking that the majority of officers are bad.


There were some varied responses on this, but one of the resounding things I heard, and agree with to a point, is that I was cooperative with the officer in my encounter and that made the difference. The thing is, I'm sarcastic most of the time. I would be a liar if I said I don't get snooty with officers when I'm pulled over. Its a personality flaw in myself that I am aware of, and will hopefully work on before I pass it onto my children. Snootiness aside, I certainly don't cuss the officers out, or refuse to cooperate and I do-do literally everything they say.


But why do I know how to do that?


This may seem like a stupid question at first, because you want the answer to be "Everyone knows to cooperate with police, it's what you do". Really though, babies are not born with the innate ability to keep their hands visibly on the wheel and to say Yes sir or Yes mam. Someone taught me to do that. Two someone's in my case. I was lucky enough to grow up with a biological father who took great strides to stay involved in my life, as well as a step-father who never had a step in his name and took me in as his kid from day one. When it came time to learn how to drive, I had two strong successful male role model fathers stepping up to the plate to not only teach me the rules of the road, but the life lessons that go along with them.


After 14 years of driving, one of these particular lessons still pops into my head on at least a weekly basis. Once when I was learning,  a car had flown past me, cut me off, cut off a few other cars and driven away in a frenzy, I rather loudly proclaimed "What a Jerk!", to which my Dad said "Hey Hey Hey, you don't know anything about that guy. What if his wife just called and said their daughter had accidentally eaten a lot of pills? What if that guy just got fired from his job and he's raging out right now?" He followed up explaining that the man may not have been in the right, but "If you have a negative reaction and flip him off, or show road rage in retaliation, you never know to what length that guy will go. There are people out there who would kill you. People will wreck cars. You know how far your road rage will go before you stop, but you never know someone else's line, so don't even play the game. It's not a game. Just go about your life."


Has this lesson prevented me from ever having road rage? Not every time, I've made my fair share of dumb mistakes on the road. I do believe that it has prevented way more incidents that I can ever imagine though. And it carries over. I don't only think about this in the car. You never know what has happened in someone else's life. You never know how far someone will take an altercation.


I had to be taught these things. Someone had to sit me down and say "don't flip off people who flip you off". I wish it was inherent in me as a human to not be abrasive, but it's not. I have a strong abrasive personality, and if no one ever told me how to behave, who knows how I would act.


So for every kid growing up in a house where the dad is incarcerated, or the dad has been killed in gang violence, police violence, suicide, drug overdoses, whatever......who is teaching them these lessons? (Yes, shout out to single hard working moms everywhere, you ladies are not forgotten, and I see the stuggle to work and put yourselves through school, its tiring hard work!!)


Who is teaching these young men and women how to react when police pull them over? Who is teaching them to turn the other cheek?


It would be a fair question to respond with and say, "what are you doing about it?"


Honesty, not enough. Something I do try to accomplish is to make Fatherhood paramount. Don't let someone else raise your kids. Be there. Not only that, but be there for your kids friends. It wasn't that long ago that I made the switch from being influenced by my parents to being influenced by friends. I remember thinking that my parents were dumb and my friends knew everything.


You want to know how to work towards ending violence, racism and the general ugliness that goes on in our country? I don't have all the answers, but I have a small thing to do. Raise your kids. Raise your kids friends.

Teach them to drive.
Teach them how to treat people.
Teach them to tie a tie.
Teach them to show up to work early.
Teach them to let other people be the ones to go home early.


Remember all of those life lessons you wish they taught you in school?


Teach them to your kids. Raise your sons to be Men. Raise your daughters to be Women. Raise independent young people.


When people say "Ok, we see that your taking a knee during the anthem because of social injustice. Now what?"


This is a small now what. Here is an answer.


Eat family meals together. Don't chase money to the point that other people raise your kids. Be around. Make yourself known. Take the time now. Take the time in the future. Take all of the decisions you make about your life, and shake them up until "Raising my kids" is the one that lands on top. I'm genuinely saying to let some other things go. Drop other obligations. Stop worrying as much about the promotion at work. Don't worry as much about taking a vacation.


You want to know how to make our world a better world? Create a life for yourself and your family that you don't need a vacation from. Let that sink in for a second. In our money hungry society everyone is coerced into thinking that vacations are a must. You have to have vacations. No. vacation is a relatively new phenomenon in human society. I truly believe that in the journey to create a life you don't need a vacation from, you will create a life where you are raising your kids.


Be good to each other. Teach your kids. Teach your kids' friends.



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